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Author Topic: Good News & Translation  (Read 3348 times)

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« on: February 10, 2017, 01:07 »
Just received this mail, couldnt understand it, so asked a pal of mine whos in media marketing to translate it for me.

'Dear Contributor,

Were delighted and honored to announce the roll out of the latest changes to our website this week. As you know we constantly strive to enhance our position in the international market place, thanks to our enthusiastic front office team, and our highly experienced managerial team.  This roll out includes an even better GUI than the last one (which proved so popular), with fantastic new features, a value offer for our huge customer base, versatile marketing strategy based on geography and crucially,even more imaginative ways of of marketing your great work. This roll out has required substantial investment of capital, and valuable internal resources, and demonstrates our commitment to always promote your precious work so that you, our partners receive the maximum recompense for your unique and precious work. Our Partner Program continues to achieve exceptional penetration into various global markets, providing even greater market exposure for your work.
Obviously changes to the way our website works requires us to make some minor modifications to the GSA, details of which can be found on our website.  You are requested to approve these changes by returning a signed copy of them to us within 7 working days of now (see our FAQ for details). Obviously you are at liberty to not sign the new GSA, but we are convinced that you will be every bit as enthusiastic as we are to further increase your sales with us.  If you have any questions on this new roll out, our comprehensive FAQ page will undoubtedly clear them all up.
As director of communications, I would like to take this opportunity to thank every one of your for the priceless contribution that you make to this community of artists, and hope that you will as always continue to provide us with your highest quality work.

Yours, Croesus, vice-president of communications.'

The Translation

Dear Crowd,
We have once again changed everything, just when you had become accustomed to and figured out imaginative work-arounds for all the foibles, bugs, shoddy coding and incomprehensible user interface  on our website, weve re-written it all, and produced a fresh lot for you to get your heads around. The new website was re-written from scratch by a Calcutta sweat shop software company who have no previous experience in image libraries and so to get a foot in the door, they made us a value offer for the work that we just simply couldnt refuse. This latest revision wasnt just about confusing our customers and contributors, the accounting department have had a massive input, in fact that was the real reason for this re-write, but the new GUI givers us a plausible smoke screen for making this new version. Our creative accountants have devised even more convoluted ways of selling your images so that we undercut the market even further, thus achieving even greater market share from our competition in our rush to achieve market domination.  Our Partner Program offers us a unique conduit for selling your images into developing markets where there is no traceability, no respect of copyright, and immense off balance sheet sales which we use as a personal slush fund. This slush fund allows us to finance the creation and development of yet more  off shore and 3rd world image databases with unlisted and untraceable directors, where we are unfettered by tedious copyright law, artist commission and unnecessary sales tax.
Those contributors who do not correctly sign the new service agreement within 7 days will have access to their accounts frozen. Their images will remain available for sale indefinitely, and particularly through our Partner Program.  Were more or less got a monopoly going here, you want to bail out, thats your choice, we dont care. There are a multitude of other idealistic morons like you who think that they can make an easy living out of selling a few useless snaps, eager to jump on board. We are not going to waste any of our precious time dealing with your inane questions and incessant harping which weve patiently had to put up with for years now. However, well put a few questions and answers in our FAQ page for the sake of appearances. Any specific questions sent by mail will be replied to by an automatically generated reply pointing you to our FAQ page.
Many of you bleat about not having had a pay rise for the last 15 years. Weve already got thousands of photos of every single thing imaginable on the planet and off it, were only humouring you by taking on more.  Welcome to the world of crowd sourcing. Count yourselves lucky that were paying you anything at all. You havent got a clue how many of your images we sell, nor how much we actually sell them for. Take what we give you and be content, and for heavens sake stop your * whining you insecure, useless bunch of losers. One of the many improvements that weve made is to suppress your earnings information. Youre always dissatisfied with what you earn, so were doing you a favour by not providing you with this information. This enhancement is designed to make you happier.
We realise that the vast majority of you are undereducated snappers, who know nothing about international business and are too dumb to get a real job. We arent a charity, and we arent here to make you idiots rich.  Weve hit a really rich seam of gold here, theres loads more left in the mine, keep snapping away and uploading you fools.

« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2017, 01:42 »
from?  :o


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