I'll start-
Inspectors should use a color slide wheel like in the game "twister" and as long the main color of the image doesn't match the color selected on the spinner the image is approved.

Pricing should be determined by a very complicated and convoluted algorithm involving the time of the day and the contributor's astrological sign.

Royalty % would start at 95% and every 10-14 days a message would appear in an obscure place in the forums announcing the rate has been dropped by .5%

ahahahahahahah how long you took to write this? amazing love it

I will add one:

- live support with woman/man in lingerie depending the buyer/contributor sexual orientation

Needs to carry a theme... circus... village.... psych ward...

A drop down menu when you submit your images where you can select your own rejection reason.

Lucky draw, where every 10th new contributor win 150 uploads without review.  

A contact section with a predefined single heading "I want to quit and delete all my images". You are blocked from typing anything in the text area and when you press submit an automatic popup displays the message " You can't, sucker!"

Oh yes and thumb images are unproportionally scaled to fit the 200x100 pixel thumbs size.

The people that churn out thousands and thousands of similar images are rewarded for their crappy efforts by getting them all  put at the front of the seaches

Name should have nothing to do with photography. I think it was Lisa that came up with the best agency name when SnapVillage was being discussed:- Sh*tHamlet

Categories, Yes, many Categories . . . . .  I'd say at least 400 Categories with 10 sub-categories for each of them. . . . . NOT  

dont forget - whenever an inage gets Approved you will be given a reason WHY it was accepted - i.e. poor composition, lcv, artifacts visible at 50% view, etc

Hope fully they pay per up
load...

Quote from: chromaco on June 30, 2012, 03:43
I'll start-
Inspectors should use a color slide wheel like in the game "twister" and as long the main color of the image doesn't match the color selected on the spinner the image is approved.

Pricing should be determined by a very complicated and convoluted algorithm involving the time of the day and the contributor's astrological sign.

Royalty % would start at 95% and every 10-14 days a message would appear in an obscure place in the forums announcing the rate has been dropped by .5%

Thanks for the idea and everyone for all the help.  

No Subs by the way. Everything OD. I think the idea is minimum price would be $1000 license fee and one sale a year would cover all expenses?

I just did a three day weekend, so as usual during the Summer I don't get much done. Even more amazing (like taking away a pacifier from a little baby) I didn't take my laptop, netbook or even the Kindle. (oh no?) No internet for three days. Heat = terrible mosquito outbreak at the campground. I think I took five photos the whole time, which is less than I take driving home some days.  

Three days working outside and camping and I didn't fake this:


image host

Hot Hot Hot!

And there is the first approved photo ^^^   

Quote from: LSD72 on July 02, 2012, 13:05
And there is the first approved photo ^^^   

.

Everyone will be required to submit at least one image of a Phlange that is totally OOF and full of noise.

Quote from: ruxpriencdiam on July 02, 2012, 16:45
Everyone will be required to submit at least one image of a Phlange that is totally OOF and full of noise.

No we're getting there.

http://crapstock.weebly.com/

I posted this in off topic, maybe this thread belongs there also?

There will never (almost positively, NEVER)   be submitted photos for sale on Crapstock, nor will anyone ever get a photo accepted. (except me of course!) I may offer a place for personal obscure rejections, probably a bot creating random rejections?

However now that you mentioned Phlange, maybe I'll have a photo contest where people pay to enter (like the scams that are already running as fun raisers and contests), a winner will be declared and the top 12 will be on the CrapStock Phlange calendar for 2013 (which I will sell for a personal profit also, no payment to "entrants" of course...) And I'm thinking there will be a pay affiliate link program, for anyone who wants to have their site linked from the CrapStock family of fine photo sites. LOL 

Sorry but Barbara never answered, I think she's going to keep the site and the name, now that's it's gotten all this free promotion?

I just deposited $1000 in my PayPal account. Can I buy that digital thermometer photo? Please!!!

All images are free; the site is ad-supported.  Contributors are promised .01 cent per click-through.  However all the banner ads lead to sites that install malware and Crapstock's real source of income is reselling stolen VISA numbers.

Quote from: stockastic on July 02, 2012, 21:22
All images are free; the site is ad-supported.  Contributors are promised .01 cent per click-through.  However all the banner ads lead to sites that install malware and Crapstock's real source of income is reselling stolen VISA numbers.

Oh I forgot about that one, nice addition. Do I have to host the site in parts of the former Soviet Union, China or some offshore island?

Here's another partner site. I think that makes five now?   

http://gizex.com/crapstock/

Quote from: Microbius on June 30, 2012, 09:14
Name should have nothing to do with photography. I think it was Lisa that came up with the best agency name when SnapVillage was being discussed:- Sh*tHamlet

I thought it was craphamlet.

All thumbnails should be 5400x3600 pixels with no watermarks.
Extended licenses should be cheaper than normal rf licence
Each image requires 9 categories to be assigned from a 14 layer dropdown structure
The page size should be arranged so that even on a 50 inch screen you have to scroll across
Descriptions shall have every second letter A cApItAl AnD iN a DiFfErEnT CoLoUr
Model releases must be submitted on stone tablets
When you submit images you have to tick a yes or no box for every keyword to accept it.
The tickbox should be placed over the cancel upload button and when you go to click on it moves.
All images priced in Vanuatu Vatu's
Every photo you have to assign the GPS location, date and time in roman numerals
Every photo needs to split into quarters in photoshop and submitted separately.
Crapstocks mega stitch engine will join them back together in a random order. Sometimes merging from other contributors photos.
All photos directly uploaded to pirate bay anlong with your passport and social security number

"Every photo you have to assign the GPS location, date and time in roman numerals" now you're talkin'!

By the way how's a 48 cent EL sound on IS? Got that this week. (additional information, I found it, it's an audio file, I wish all of them were 48 cents?)

"Extended licenses should be cheaper than normal rf license" it's already here?

"When you submit images you have to tick a yes or no box for every keyword to accept it."

Any rejected keyword will be an automatic failed submission and you'll have to start all over again with a new upload. Lets go for maximum frustration levels and stupidity. Kind of like somewhere we all know and love where a bad keyword doesn't get removed, your file gets rejected. And the word actually has a direct meaning for the image.

I must disclose that some of my ideas we're "inspired" from actually agency systems, policy etc.

Quote from: qwerty on July 03, 2012, 06:35
I must disclose that some of my ideas we're "inspired" from actually agency systems, policy etc.

That's what made them so good.

Quote from: chromaco on June 30, 2012, 03:43
I'll start-
Inspectors should use a color slide wheel like in the game "twister" and as long the main color of the image doesn't match the color selected on the spinner the image is approved.

Pricing should be determined by a very complicated and convoluted algorithm involving the time of the day and the contributor's astrological sign.

Royalty % would start at 95% and every 10-14 days a message would appear in an obscure place in the forums announcing the rate has been dropped by .5%

I like everything but commissions. It should be a flat-rate of one U.S. penny for each download (unlimited size) and free to the buyer. 

QuoteAll thumbnails should be 5400x3600 pixels with no watermarks.
Extended licenses should be cheaper than normal rf licence
Each image requires 9 categories to be assigned from a 14 layer dropdown structure
The page size should be arranged so that even on a 50 inch screen you have to scroll across
Descriptions shall have every second letter A cApItAl AnD iN a DiFfErEnT CoLoUr
Model releases must be submitted on stone tablets
When you submit images you have to tick a yes or no box for every keyword to accept it.
The tickbox should be placed over the cancel upload button and when you go to click on it moves.
All images priced in Vanuatu Vatu's
Every photo you have to assign the GPS location, date and time in roman numerals
Every photo needs to split into quarters in photoshop and submitted separately.
Crapstocks mega stitch engine will join them back together in a random order. Sometimes merging from other contributors photos.
All photos directly uploaded to pirate bay anlong with your passport and social security number

Ha! Ah wow, I don't think I have ever yet laughed out loud to myself in this forum, but this did it. LOVE these suggestions. 

A list of well selling photos you can copy.
An annoying illogical upload procedure where you have to translate your keywords into chinese.
An upload feature that strips IPTC data and puts a random keyword from another picture into the headline.
A forum where you can sell kittens and other pets.
Colourblind reviewers.

Quote from: Microstock Man on July 06, 2012, 06:08

QuoteAll thumbnails should be 5400x3600 pixels with no watermarks.
Extended licenses should be cheaper than normal rf licence
Each image requires 9 categories to be assigned from a 14 layer dropdown structure
The page size should be arranged so that even on a 50 inch screen you have to scroll across
Descriptions shall have every second letter A cApItAl AnD iN a DiFfErEnT CoLoUr
Model releases must be submitted on stone tablets
When you submit images you have to tick a yes or no box for every keyword to accept it.
The tickbox should be placed over the cancel upload button and when you go to click on it moves.
All images priced in Vanuatu Vatu's
Every photo you have to assign the GPS location, date and time in roman numerals
Every photo needs to split into quarters in photoshop and submitted separately.
Crapstocks mega stitch engine will join them back together in a random order. Sometimes merging from other contributors photos.
All photos directly uploaded to pirate bay anlong with your passport and social security number

Ha! Ah wow, I don't think I have ever yet laughed out loud to myself in this forum, but this did it. LOVE these suggestions. 

Glad to lift the mood around here